I was always wondering – why do people say that there is no place for emotions at work? It seems irrational and illogical that in an ever-changing, high-pressure environment we are expected to transform into emotionless beings. How about empathy, gratitude, and psychological safety at work? Those are impossible without emotions.
Humans do not have an on/off button for switching their emotions on or off. Doing so would cost a lot of energy and effort, and would eventually lead to burnout. So why would we do this to ourselves?
The epiphany struck me a couple of weekends ago, talking with my godson about his favorite after-school activities – one of them being emotional intelligence (EQ) training. When a seven-year-old was explaining to me how he is learning emotional intelligence and why he likes it, it hit me: we ban emotions from our work life because we have not developed respectful and socially acceptable ways to express them.
I don’t know about you, but when I was growing up, I did not receive education on EQ – nor did I get that when I started my job. The same goes for all the generations before me. It was easier for them to suppress emotions than to express them, and that’s how today’s emotionless working culture has been built and promoted.
Let me ask you – do you know how to express anger, anxiety, disappointment, and frustration in a socially acceptable and respectful way? I, personally, am still learning that. I was always taught that “good” emotions (e.g. happiness, joy, excitement, etc.) should be expressed with moderation, and “bad” emotions (e.g. fear, anger, anxiety, disappointment, etc.) should not be shown at all.
Beyond the harmful labeling of emotions as “good” or “bad,” the key message was clear: true professionalism has nothing to do with emotions. Furthermore, I’ve been punished in many different ways for being emotionally expressive.
Many working environments existed this way (some still attempt to) until 2016, when things were shaken after Google shared the outcomes of Project Aristotle. Suddenly, the importance of psychological safety became evident, creating a rising demand for emotional intelligence. After all, risk-taking, vulnerability, and growth involve the full range of human emotions.
While this is undoubtedly good news for me, nearly a decade after the publication of Project Aristotle and a surge of attention to psychological safety—and numerous studies on the impact of emotions on decision-making—we’re still not quite there. The workplace often feels like a battlefield: older generations aim to protect the former status quo while knowing change is inevitable, and newer generations bring more emotion to work—often without the emotional intelligence to guide their expression. So how do we bridge the gap?
Emotions are part of every human being. We all feel them—sometimes we are overpowered by them—but not all of us know how to express them, especially in respectful and socially acceptable ways. Emotional expression is a courageous act, requiring self-awareness, self-regulation, and above all, maturity. For some, this might be unusual; for others, quite natural. But today, it has become an essential professional quality.
Here are a few steps that can guide our emotional expression:
- Acknowledge what you feel and label it correctly
What exactly are you feeling? Is it joy, anger, frustration, disappointment, etc.? There are so many emotions, and we need to increase our emotional literacy to correctly identify and name them. - Understand what triggered the emotional reaction
Were your values compromised? Was a need not met? What exactly triggered the strong emotional response? Understanding the root helps us better address the situation and choose a relevant response. - Express and address
This final step allows us to be authentic and true to ourselves. Very often, when our values are compromised or our needs unmet, we don’t hold ourselves accountable to address it—and this sends a message to ourselves and others that our values or needs don’t matter. Over time, this leads to disappointment and erodes trust and relationships. Only when we fully understand what we feel—and why—can we choose the right way to communicate and respond.
It is challenging enough to build emotional literacy as a professional. However, it is even more challenging—and more important—to hold space for the emotional expression of others. This is where “lead by example” becomes more than a cliché—it becomes the core of real leadership.
When we model authenticity, self-regulation, vulnerability, and respectful expression, we become evidence that such behavior is possible—and welcome—in a modern organization.
This is how workplace culture begins to shift: from suppression to presence, from avoidance to accountability. This is how mindful corporations are built and sustained.
*Cover photo made by Antoni Shkraba Studio
